I hope and pray that all of you had a good break and that you are all geared up for the New Year. May all your dreams and wishes come true in 2018 and may you be blessed out of your shoes!
A lot happened in December 2017 so there are lots to share.
Since November 2017 I went to the gynaecologist and for a mammogram and I am super duper happy to share that everything came back negative… while I was sitting in the Radiology area they had a +-2h00 delay… because I was nervous I decided to listen to calming music and I didn’t throw a single tantrum… after the first hour I politely enquired about my results and when they told me that they are experiencing problems with their computer I went to go sit down again. So in between the prayer and music my results came back and I was ecstatic!
The genecology visit went as expected and I had to wait 2 weeks for my results, within 4 days I got mine back and it was all clear. The whole visit was very different and I don’t know how to explain it. Usually its awkward and unpleasant, and sure enough it was all that, but the after math of the visit was non-existent for me and I almost forgot that I went because I had no pain no bleeding no nothing. I left this matter in the Lords hands and he came through for me.
After everything that ive been through and still going through I am amazed by the Lords grace and mercy. Its new year and even though I am dealing with the same issues as of the 31st of December 2017 I am happy to be here. Through the pain and agony and issues galore I am ok…
Every time I have to do something I am stopped in my tracks because I am struggling. I did the dishes by myself yesterday and felt so proud of myself. I am normally the one to sweep or mop when my daughter cleaned the kitchen, and I surprised her by cleaning the sink, needless to say the floor wasn’t swept and mopped thereafter lol.
My daughter is going to high school this year and need her text books etc. because of some balls up I had to collect her textbooks before work today. When I was on my way to work, my voice was gone. I had to park far from the school and had to walk 1 flight of stairs to the floor where they are handing out the books. Carrying books was horrible… I just don’t have the strength to carry my own bag sometimes and here I am carrying 7/8 text books. Luckily my daughter’s friend came to my rescue and took it to the car while I slowly make my way to the parking lot.
So yes it takes me very long to get things done, but because I am a single parent I have a lot on my plate. There’s just certain things that I HAVE to do regardless of how I feel. So I push through, I walk away from queues and commotion, so I come back when I can do my business.
In January my employer confirm that they will pay for my OT visit. This was the best news ever as I am facing a salary cut from January onwards due to the partial disability claim being denied. All over the word “remission”… I don’t know what to say except that people have their own agendas and will focus on what work for them.
I had a very tough and horrible December and still struggle to sleep and eat. Yesterday night I was running around again, work is a place of anxiety at the moment because I don’t know how and when this will end. I am not asking for favours I am just asking for consideration and understanding. All I know is how I feel and that isn’t enough… this is a topic for another day where I will elaborate on my nightmares… my trust is totally destroyed and I find it hard to accept and to move on.
I need to express my gratitude towards my employer for paying for the OT visit and for allowing me to fight this battle. It makes a huge difference knowing that they are trying to help me again. The damage was done, I do not trust anyone anymore, but it doesn’t mean I am not grateful and happy when I do get assistance. ONCE BITTEN TWICE SHY…
In preparation for the salary cut I had to make plans so that I can keep my house, so at the moment I am converting my garage into a bedroom so that I can get a tenant in there and make up some of the money I will be short each month. Its difficult, its costly it is something that makes me very sad as I am at the short end of the stick at all times, always fighting for something, always making plans to keep afloat… when does it ever end, when I am dead???
I’ve been praying for a break these last few months, no asking for better health or anything… just a break. So I am patiently waiting for my wish… J… just stop with all the challenges all the fighting, the pain, the Lupus death notices, just stop it and allow me to breathe and recharge.