a night of pain and insomnia… 4


imageIt’s late and I can’t sleep because I am in pain… Starting with a headache for the past 2 days but i think it’s due to my tummy problem…since Friday… So I’m still monitoring it… Hopefully I don’t have to go to the doctor and things will fix itself😀…Then I’ve got pain in my bones… Legs, thighs hips and arms…. It’s a pain that I can’t describe , all I know is that I don’t want to pop another pill… I toss and turn but nothing is helping…warm water bottle help for my kidney pain but that’s about it…So I’m holding out… Trying to be brave… With my icy cold feet and legs that no one wants to touch…my nails are also going, it’s brittle and super soft …it just peels off… And my hair that’s so thin I can’t get it styled properly…

sometimes I wonder why I’m doing these things, why don’t I just give up cus I’ve got no guarantee that things will turn out ok… Why do I prefer to pretend that there’s nothing wrong w me, that I can do everything everyone else can do…But then I get my good days and it makes it all worth it, or I have fun w my kids and it all makes perfect sense….

im not use to everything being about me I like bring under the radar and right now I’m on the front page … Yug!… How I just hate my new life hey …I just want to be with my kids…Alone… Take them overseas… Fight with them … Do things with and for them…go work…have our silly chats at home …talk about the future… Etc…I miss life before Lupus… With my kids and without all the pain and pills…

praying for things to work out…I’m kinda tired …broke…scared and drained…the last 5 months wasn’t easy… And there’s no help or solutions in sight… Yet…

Lord be with all the Lupus sufferers and Their families please…help me go get up again tomorrow and face the new day with everyone else …I’m well aware of my odds and pray for wisdom, strength , time and understanding … I never really understood pain and suffering until now …thank you for opening my eyes( and I almost want to ask to please take it away now. … Lesson learnt )…


About Ash

This website is dedicated to all the men and women who suffers from any Auto Immune disease...Lupus is just one of them...the list is endless...we want to inform, educate, motivate, encourage and change the perception of the world that Lupus doesn't exists...We are real people and we fight for our lives every single day...#LupusLove from Lupus Warriors


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4 thoughts on “a night of pain and insomnia…

  • Marna Fourie

    Hi eks Marna Fourie van Heidelberg Kaap. September 2015 is ek met Lupus Nefrites gediagnoseer. Het al ñ moeilike pad gestap. Stel baie belang om meer oor Lupus te weet en leer. Is baie oningelig oor die siekte. Uitstekende Nefroloog wat my behandel. Tans is my lupus sluimetend nie aktief in my liggaam nie

  • Toni

    I really need help here I have no idea what doctors can help me. Every doc I have contacted needs a down payment of at least R2000 and the 1 that is contracted in I’m still waiting for her to come back to me with my bloods from September. I’m having a bit of back pain and major night sweets this week pls help here. She has not done any tests at all other than blood in the last 12 months

    • Ash Post author

      hello Toni i am so sorry for only replying now… can you please contact me on 0834414054…
      i want to know if you managed to get sorted… i was locked out of our website and needed IT help to sort things out…